Children are naturally curious. Sometimes they ask BIG questions. I did. When I was 6 or 7, I asked my grandmother if she was going to die. Just like that. Clear out of the blue. She told me she would (“someday”) and that she was not afraid. She had lived a good life. This clearly… Continue reading Tips for Talking with Kids about Loss
“I’m alive,” my hospice client answers after I ask him how he is today. I find myself at a crossroads. Do I take an easy out or lean in? I could keep it light and respond with a smile and some humor, e.g., “I can see that.” Or, I could ask if there’s more he… Continue reading Don’t Skirt the Serious Stuff
My initiation into the realm of end-of-life care presented itself unexpectedly when my grandfather was dying. I showed up largely unprepared for what I was entering into, which is the case for all doula work, truly. We don’t know exactly what will be asked of us or how we’ll support ahead of time. My grandmother… Continue reading Death Doula Initiation
Recently, I supported friends through the heartbreak of goodbye. They had imagined a full life together, and now this vision was being swiftly revoked, before their youngest would even start kindergarten. I visited and together we worked on drafting legacy letters. One of this friend’s deepest fears was his children not remembering him. As his… Continue reading Finding What Resonates: Trial and Error in Doula Work
As doulas, we enter into our clients’ end-of-life and grief journeys as our(whole)selves. This includes not only kindness and patience, but also our conditioning and triggers as well. We are not empty vessels. We carry hushed reminders of past trauma, festering wounds, and unrecognized assumptions. We are not void of dynamic humanness—thankfully so. In truth,… Continue reading Whole Selves and Shadow Sides: A Balanced Doula
